USA (or U.S.A.)

This is an acronym for China's westernmost province. Once the world's largest consumer economy, USA collapsed under market manipulations, hedge funds, off-shore siphoning of resources, and the general population's refusal to forgo shiny toys and gadgets to pay for streets, bridges, and clean drinking water. All of chairman Mao's strategies about beating USA in the long game came to reality in the early 21st century.

Now That's Salemanship! Nom de Escroquerie - YABA

From "The Down Button"*

We're doing a Double Dip today, Combing a dictionary entry and a Daily Doozy on a new acronym.

The more that consumers, legitimate investors (e.g. human beings), and those -- as defined by the business community "burdensome" -- regulators cry for more light on business transactions, the global business community responds with its typical "piss up a rope," going deeper under cover in all aspects of their dealings.

Ergo, with the introduction of another formal term Nom de Escroquerie for the practitioners, we've come up with yet-another "yet-another" acronym, which we're rolling out as a Double Dip article today.

"YABA" stands for "Yet Another Business Alias."

For the benefit of those less advanced in years than some of us, there was a time when business was done in communities, by people who who were a part of the community. Yes, we know you think that this is B.S. something that never really happened because YOU never saw it on television. But it's true.

And to kick off YABA we're introducing Nom de Escroquerie (look it up, if you're on this page we know you have Google) for all of  the little grubsnots in south Florida who devote thousands of hours looking for new ways to get elderly people to give them credit card numbers over the telephone.

We have an actual recording of a "lawyer" in a final attempt to close one of these deals and get a credit card number with this phrase... (we may actually add this recording to a post at a later date after the legal research is complete. Apparently Florida has some laws regarding phone recording to protect these parasites, but this guy KNEW he was talking to a recorder.)

"This is [redacted] Come on, be a man and call me back."

Be a man? Now That's Salemanship!

- Posted using BlogPress from Padrig the iPad

*image - Ron Lynch Chalice in a frame from "The Down Button", a Rick Lynxwood Film (Woodson/Fauble Productions)

Daily Doozy - .ffws

FFWS or FFTLD (usually seen as .ffws or .fftld) - Is a Duckieism for a Fake Freakin' Web Site. Sometimes we have a company, organization, or location in our world that would be a place that would have a website  but they aren't important enough for us to actually go out and build the danged thing.
Make sense? Nah, not to us either, but that's the way our boss wants it to work.

Hasta mañana

Daily Doozy - The Acronym 1CR

1CR is a shortcut for The One Class Rule.

Having nothing to do with social class implications, this rule is what normally defines the key difference between government bureaucrats and corporate bureaucrats.

A government bureaucrat at least CLAIMS to have attended one ethics class in college, or university, or whatever the hell they call the school they went to.

Whereas, it's become obvious of late that most modern American business schools* (aside from teaching frat boys how to loudly change "No Means Yes, Yes Means ****," are proud of the fact that they don't let ethics muddy the waters or obscure their focus.

*Not such a big deal, we're pretty sure that the Swiss and other European business schools have been ignoring ethics for generations. (Though, we are happy to report, this may be changing.)

Politico of the Day - KSM

The Gidiot

For almost eight years, Colorado Congressman Thaddeus Emory Gideon's staff appended the letters KSM to all of his official correspondence.

For that same eight year period, Gideon always got quizzical looks when he publicly stated that he was extremely proud to have been "so recognized by our little British cousins." Although 10 Downing Street's official response was...

"Honor the little man? We've never even heard of him."

This was, of course, before he called for severed relationships with the British because they had the audacity to audit the expenses of British Members of Parliament (MPs) and take punitive action against miscreants.

Shortly after that debacle, an unidentified staff member placed the following note on his desk.

"Dear Gidiot,
KSM is not an honor from the British government. It stands for King, Sphynctorical Memoranda because you are always blowing smoke out of your ass.


Anonymous Staffer
PS, I quit."

Daily Doozy - EvCross America

First: OK, we missed yesterday. Even though we do believe in paying our fair share of taxes to support things like streets, bridges, protecting people from nasty chemicals, thieves, and dangerous workplaces... and the billion other good things our tax dollars do, when we can keep then out of the hands of the freakin' lobbyists and investment bankers...we're still always rushing at the last minute to get the things filed.

Ergo, no Doozy yesterday. But here is one in the -- shall we say spirit -- of things for today....

EvCross America is market slang (this IS America) for Evangelical Crossway, the huge organization that recently partnered with the huger organization Acolytica to form the MTLTA SuperPAC. Between these two organizations, MTLTA has committed over $3 billion, give or take a .5 or so -- after all, this is almost real money -- as SEED cash for supported candidates. Learn more about MTLTA SuperPAC.

Daily Doozy - Need a Job? How About PpE?

CheapCXOs has just announced a new position in executive search called a PpE or Psychopathology Evaluator, based on recent information about the C-Suites of the world.

Sounds interesting to us. If you're looking for a new challenge, you might check it out!

note: since cheapcxos.com is not a real company, these are not real positions --- hah!

LSD? What? In a Financial Dictionary?

Ok, no, this isn't some kind of a 60s flashback thing. Well, part of it might seem to be, but our definitions here are more of a commentary on the happenings in the modern world.

TM ChaliceMedia

1. LSD ell-ess-dee, Lysergic Acid Diethylamide. A nasty little derivative (no not THAT kind) from rye ergot, whatever the hell ergot is sounds like mold to me... I could look it up, but don't want to take the time right now and I'm sure that you have immediate access to a search engine of choice [but I digress].

Anyway, an organization called Acolytica uses it regularly as a mode of control in what they call "conditioning" to prepare their followers for what they call "The Harvest" which is supposed to happen soon in what they call "The Future." The Acolytica boys give it the cute little euphemism "Leary."

TM ChaliceMedia

2. LSD, in a world facing Armageddon (the bloodhound NOT the big event), this stands for the Triad who runs The Other Place, made up of Luci, Ese, and D (Mr. Evil Himself). OK, so the actual construction of the acronym is a little loose and free on this one.

And the reason these things are included in a Financial Dictionary is because they are RELEVANT to finance in the modern world. After all, Mr. Evil Himself sat in on the creation of the Derivative as a specifically defined unit of financial bullsh*t.

Daily Doozy - Nom de Trompeur

A Nom de Trompeur is an alias used for doing business, primarily used in deals on the shadier side.
Examples:

"The company's Chief Conscience Officer, aka I Can Live With That Guy, uses a nom de trompeur in all public communications."

"The tech services woman in Bangladesh, who trained in a midwestern U.S. accent for several months, uses the nom de trompeur 'Cissy from Cincinnati'."

"The signature on your bank's new 79 page TOS (terms of service) is a nom de trompeur."

- Posted using BlogPress from Padrig the iPad

The New Derivative 2.0 - Fountains of Fees

artjazz BigStockPhoto

The reporters at Duckie Dic have unearthed the following segment (*caution, colorful language) of memorandum from Vik Torino, CEO and Chairman of Banco de Puerco (motto: "In NYC, where the f*ck else?")

From page 1073 - "Yeah, the c*********g Feds tell us that we have to communicate all of these new fees and give people a way to opt out of them. Well here at BdP, I'll tell you how we OPT F*****G OUT. You have to M***********G DIE!. We'll put it in print so small that the f*****g Hubble can't see it and require three separate and distinct steps to opt out of anything. (See details on pages 1181-1209 of Appendix Q)

Torino has just recently been released from several months of "Federal Hospitality" in a West Virginia country club. As a result, the amount of blather coming forth from Torino's PR mouthpiece as been nearly nil for over 24 months.

Apparently the mouthpiece (pictured) had gotten so far out of practice that the first Press Release since Torino was turned loose from the joint was actually supposed to be a CONFIDENTIAL BdP Internal communication.

We can pretty well assume that she won't be jetting around with Torino for a while.

What the Heck is a Petrie Dish?

Petrie (pee tree) Dish (dish, dummy)

This is a small glass dish that gets filled with some kind of gooey jelly stuff, then put in a warm place where a "culture" is grown. Most commonly used to grow the creatures who sit in boardrooms and say...

"Well, what we're doing here is not actually illegal."

Duckie

Why Do They Say Power is an Aphrodisiac?

BGD "Fluffy"

Thanks for the question, anonymous reader. Here is a direct quote from a nearly reliable source* in the banking lobby:
"Power is an Aphrodisiac is a polite-company way of saying if a politician or banker can't get any action from anybody but a bimbo gold digger, he might as well screw the public."

*source iaap.tbws+

Photo: © Eric Simard: BigstockPhoto.com

+iaap.tbws (It's All About Power) is a fictitious website. Unlike the other fictitious websites in our family, iaap.tbws does not exist. (at least as of the time of this writing.)

What is the Difference Between a Dead Duck and A Dead Duckie

A dead duck is a stinky animal. A dead Duckie would ruin my day.
*ok, so there aren't really any zombie ducks in this article, I just got carried away with Halloween just being over.

Digress

v. 1) skirt the issue, 2) lose track of the issue because of someone's short skirt, 3) make shit up because you can't remember the lie you told last time

e.g. "I couldn't follow what that sumbitch was sayin' because he digressed so much from what the hell he was supposed to be talkin' about."


[ed: kind of like a derivative, but not exactly, ok maybe not even close, but it does begin with the same letter]

Text Speak: LOL?

What a woman does when she sees the owner of a 400-foot yacht - naked.

e.g. Compensate, v. why a wealthy man who women laugh at when he's naked buys a 400-foot yacht.

The United States Congress

With all the confusion, partisan posturing, infidelity, graft, corruption, and other outlandishly fun activities going on in Congress, many of our readers wanted to know what Congress really means.

Noun.

The United States Congress is simply a group of 445 high-testosterone human males comparing dicks in front of 90 women (some of whom wish they had dicks to compare.)

Get in Line Fast Fellas!

Bankers across the country are queued up (see image at left) to collect their 2009 bonus checks before the hicks in Flyover Country have a chance to do the math.

What's the bonus total this year? $50 billion? $60 billion? One of the majors alone has set aside $22 billion --- YES THAT'S A FREAKIN' B! for compensation for executive and other 'players' (to an average tune of $536,000 according to the New York Times).

OK, we'll be nice guys here and play it conservative. We'll call the total for the top ten around $80 BILLION BUCKS (which we really think is about 60% - 70% of what the actual total will be.)

What can $80 billion buy this day and age?

Well, lessee...

The TOTAL budget for the State of California (population 56 gazillion) is only $82.9 billion. The whole schmear. Of course they're light about $6.9 jumbo*, but maybe a couple of these bankers could give them nice little personal loans at, what, 23%?

Hmm... or $80 billion could bring a MILLION unemployed people back to work for a year with a total comp package (including health insurance) around $80,000 per.

How about cities? How about EIGHTY cities the size of Denver, Colorado?

Or a year's college tuition for 3,200,000 (yes that's 3.2 million) students.

These bankers are whining that they have to pay out this kind of money to retain quality people and a competitive edge.**

How much talent does it take to say, "just jack up the monthly fees on the credit cards, charge people a fee if they don't buy enough on credit, and generally screw our customers any way we can..." (watch for the caca coming down the pike in February, and make DAMNED SURE you're reading the fine print in ANYTHING you get from your bank or credit card company.

'nuf said.

*real financial talk for a billion dollars - of course nobody gives a rat's patootie about anything to the right of the decimal place.

**or to hire a bunks of psycho/sociopaths who can say "I can live with that" with the greatest of ease.

It's Quite Complicated, You See

"It's Quite Complicated, You See" is a common phrase used to blow smoke up the listener's arse in the following situations:

You could, of course, dump your dollars and pounds for gold in offshore accounts, but of course it's quite complicated, you see, to understand exactly how it all works.

Things would be a lot better of for all of us if American and Western European workers would be willing to take the same wages as, say, any other freakin' place in the world, but it's quite complicated, you see, to get them all to do that.

When we want to steal people blind with market manipulations, misstated revenues, under-reported expenses, and the like, we just tell them it's quite complicated, you see, far beyond your capability to understand.

Banking Holiday

n. (US,UK) Designated days during the year where bankers are given time off to fly huge amounts of currency out of the country, and can work on their "recordkeeping" without customers and regulators about.

The Man - Monster Truck Equation

This scientific equation is developed through research done over a period of years on the nation's highways, while bouncing One's (One being the researcher) field of vision between the road ahead and the rear view mirrors.

(SUV)m³∞>len(pp) = d(SUV-OFBB) ~ len(pp)

Layman's translation:

The size of a Man's Truck is INVERSELY PROPORTIONAL to the size of the body part which allows him to pee standing up.

At the same time, the distance between the Man's Truck and the Back Bumper of One's research vehicle decreases rapidly until it approaches the length of aforementioned body part.

More simply, size does matter.