Why They Have Good Chinese Food in Austria

OK, so this isn't exactly financial, but Austria is next to Switzerland so it is sort of pertinent.

I just figured out that they probably have pretty good Chinese food in Austria -- in addition to the beer and strudel, of course.

How did I come to this conclusion?

Well first, you know of course that Austria isn't really Austria in Austria. Austria is only Austria outside of Austria. Inside of Austria, Austria is Osterreich! And you know that that means.

Oh, you don't?

Well then--let's take a look. We're going to loosely (Duckie does everything loosely) translate Osterreich into American (as in San Jose, not Gonads, Oklahoma) English:

Ost = East
Reich = Empire (think Third Reich, Thousand Year Reich) - OK, it really means reach, but we're going to say Empire.
Just throw away the "er" in between.

So now you've got East Empire. Well, then. The Soviet Union is no more (just ex-generals selling nukes and trading satellite access codes to NFWTV™ for a Mercedes S Class, a condo in Hollywood, Florida and a case of Johnny Walker Black™.) The middle east is, well, the middle east. Not really East and not much of an empire if you know what I mean. That leaves freakin' China.

In other words, Austria is the China of the EU. Ergo -- good Chinese food.

(Although I am thinking that the Chinese food on the south end of Manhattan is probably better than anything in China. Oh well, at least the rice doesn't have rocks in it like it does in North Korea.)

Put that in your Poo-Poo Platter.

Duckie
(filed under A for Austria)